“Why is it so difficult to understand the one whom we love the most? ” – this is the question asked by my student which finally ended up in writing this blog. The question is universal and all of us would have undergone this state of emotion in one point of time. Let’s see what makes all of us to feel that way.
Its difficult to understand your loved ones Because, you do not know the love language of your loved ones. All of us are having a unique way of expressing our emotions through significant love language. Still perplexed? Yes, we all of us have a different way of expressing love through different channels says the psychologist Gary Chapman. When we Do not understand these various expression of language, it brings chaos between two and finally you conclude that it’s always hard to understand the loved ones. Let’s see the various expressions of love Language.
There are 5 ways of love Language where an individual could express. It depends on an individual emotional intelligence, it expresses its way.
The 5 Various channels to express love are: Touch, Presence, Affirmation, Giving 🎁 Gifts and Service. Find the love Language of yours.
Touch: when a baby is born, the first way of experiencing a secured feeling is through Physical Touch. The gentle Touch like cuddling, Holding with warmth, hug, gentle kiss from parents will makes the baby to feel safe and loved. So Gentle touching would help the baby to learn the first expression of love and to feel secured. Suppose, if the baby has not been given enough of gentle care through physical touch instead they are exposed to physical assault ( beating, pinching) by parents or by primary care taker they would develop Discomfort feeling when somebody come to contact them. Sexual abuse during the early period of childhood make them to get confused with love and physical contact. And they are prone to Abusive people.
So if you feel comfortable by gentle care through patting, Hug, Kiss, clasping hands with loved ones..then, touch is your love language. And the fact is just because your love language is touch it’s not necessary that your partner love language should be the same.
Presence: During the developmental stage of the Child, the Child always looks for the Presence of the mother or a primary care giver. If sufficient amount of Time is spent with the Child, the Child would feel safe and Value the Presence of the loved ones. For instance, whenever I go home from hostel for summer holidays, my father would never speak a word to me instead he checks whether I am spending time at home comfortably and ensures my Presence at home. Thereby I understood his Love language is Presence. Presence is just being available to them. No matter how costly your gifts are, the people who have this love language would always embrace the Presence of their loved ones.
Word of Affirmation: I remember this incident happened when I was talking to 3yrs old Akahaya who dressed up like a queen with her frilled frock. I told her,”Akahaya, you look very beautiful like a Queen” where she instantly replied me “I know that!” I wondered and asked her “who told you that you look like a queen?” She Said with a pride that her Mother says everyday. So this is the power of Word. This is the beautiful example to express the love through words. And once you live with positive affirmative statements, it deeply stays in your believing system.
When you give positive Affirmation, acknowledgement, Kind words to the people around you. They won’t forget it for life time. Have you seen people who always be so kind and utter positive ✨️ words? And some people who desperately waiting for someone to affirm them. And some people believe that Saying “I love you” to them defines their life. And These people can’t take negative comments so easily and highly sensitive to discouraging comments,disappointing words and also when you fail to affirm hurts them a lot.
Next comes the expression through Gifts: Bringing Gifts to your loved ones makes them happy. And if you know that getting Gifts would surprise them and build your relationship then don’t fail to surprise them with Gifts. These people treasure their Gifts given by their loved ones. And they could connect with the Gifts so well and could sense something special even their loved ones are far away from them. And it gives immense pleasure to them. I know a boy who always carry his father’s watch who is far away from him. And he believes that if carry his father’s watch, it would bring good luck to him. So, identifying this language of Gift would cherish the relationship.
Altruism: Helping and doing service is the higher form of Love Language where the person finds highly satisfied by helping others. These kind of people who are good at understand the needs of people around and volunteer to help them by doing service. Mother Terasa is a very good example of Altruistic Personality. I read somewhere that someone asked Sai Baba that “what is Love?” And He said “Love is Selflessness” and again that person asked “what is Self?” Baba replied “Self is Lovelessness”.
People who are Altruistic in nature, express their love by helping others. You can seek these people whenever you are in need. If your loved ones express love by their actions it’s good to reciprocate your love by doing services like helping them in kitchen, helping your mother in-house chores etc.,
These are the different ways of expressing love. When one fail to identify the love language of their loved one’s there comes the misunderstanding, distance in relationship, friction in conversation etc., To identify your love language, introspect what you express more among these 5. And you can identify the prior expression by ranking it order wise. Love language helps you to know your expression of oneself and also others.
🌿Express your Love! Embrace your Expression!!🌿
